Like the monster from Frankenstein, there are some bad ideas that just keep getting revived by web developers.  We here at Spark Logix Studios advocate the townsfolk rising up with pitchforks and torches to destroy the madness once and for all.

Think of the children!  Won’t anyone think of the children?

Here are the 6 terrible web trends that for some reason, refuse to die:

#1 – Load Screens

Really?  This is still a thing?  Despite amazing advancements in both software and hardware, standard internet connections faster than the T1 lines of yesteryear, and more tools than ever to make a fast website, you still want me to wait 5 minutes for your dumb website to load?

Not only do I have to wait, but I have to stare at some lame graphic letting me know how much longer I have to wait?  It’s the internet, not a stoplight.  Way to turn the internet into rush hour traffic.

The best part is most websites that have a load screen, still look like other websites.  They don’t have fancy features or crazy elements that make it worth the wait.  They’re just poorly made.

 

#2 – Demands

Hi.  I’m happy to be here at this website. I’m looking…

CLICK HERE NOW!

I’m sorry.  We haven’t been properly introduced.  My name is…

SIGNUP FOR A FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD!

Now listen here, there’s no reason to shout.  I just was wondering if…

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE E-BOOK!

Well…I think I’ll take my business elsewhere thank you very much.  Good day to you sir.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO LEAVE THIS PAGE?!?!

I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!

 

#3 – Invisible Navigation

Spend all the time you want making a beautiful website.  But if your “brilliant” design ideas get in the way of my ability to purchase my favorite product, I will be buying from your rival company’s geocities page.  At least I can figure out where to click to browse products.

Aren’t websites supposed to be easy to use?  I think I’m going to open a store with 10,000 rooms, and in those rooms, all of the products will be on shelves 12 feet off the ground.  No labels, no signs, and no ladders.  But it’ll sure look nice.

I’m going to be a billionaire.

 

#4 – Pointless Animation

This relates to the first point, but for the love of crumb cake, if you’re going to have animation on your website, it should:

  • Have something to do with what your presenting to the interwebs.  Wow…nice animation of leaves falling.  Took three minutes to load properly, and has nothing to do with your folk band, but at least it was pointless.
  • Be optional.  If your animation takes time to load, let me choose if I want to wait 5 minutes to watch your stick figure drawings kung-fu fight or not.
  • Seriously…get to the point.  Do you even have one?

 

#5 – Pop-ups

True story.  A guy I worked with got fired, because he was looking at pornographic sites in his office at work.  How did he get caught you ask?  Because when his secretary walked in on him, he tried to close the page he was visiting, and three more new ones popped up.  The pop ups were faster than his mouse.  So he got fired.

What’s the moral of this story?  If you use pop-ups, you are as clever as the purveyors of porn.  Which makes you not very clever, and gross.

 

#6 – Autoplay

Nothing makes me leave a website faster than autoplay.  In particular of music.  It’s so terrible.  I hate when I’m browsing in multiple tabs and can’t figure out which poorly made website is blasting the midi version of Jet’s “Are You Gonna Go My Way”.  Why that song?  Jet is terrible, and everyone knows it’s just a rip off of Iggy Pops’ “Lust for Life” anyway.

Why are you subjecting me to this horror?  Why can’t I browse your site without being aurally assaulted by your poor taste?  WHY!?!?!?

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